Agoraphobic
ByWe were scheduled to go away a few weeks ago but couldn’t because of National Night Out Against Crime stuff going on in the neighborhood. But now the dates had been adjusted, the legnth shortened, and now we were in Charlie’s vroom-vroom car, getting the hell out of Dodge for a few days.
And, watching the CBD roll by as we got onto the highway, I thought my heart might just seize up.
It’s a funny thing, this. The greater New Orleans area is basically an island. We’re pretty self-contained, surrounded by swamps and water, so you’re never really all that far afield.
Driving away from the island seemed wrong. An abandonment made worse by the uncertain path of a churning tropical depression that everyone said was getting stronger by the minute.
So maybe ultimately, it’s less agoraphobic and more like being a neglectful parent. Of a slightly (?) retarded but hormonal teenager who’s screwed it up royally before.
Yeah, she’s a fuckup. And you know that despite these growing pains you’ve got to trust her one more time to get it right and not trash the place or take up with questionable (possibly political) characters. Down in the deepest cockles, it’s terrifying, because she’s already done all this and more to you before and you don’t have to be a card reader in Jackson Square to know she’s gonna do it again.
But you’ve gotta try, because what else is there? Yeah, she’s a fuckup- but she’s YOUR fuckup.
And let’s be reasonable; we weren’t the worst parents ever- we were only a few hours away, and if Charlie didn’t get to plant his ass on a beach for a few days he was going to snap. This is an annual thing, as primal and necessary to his health and well being as a pre-dinner martini.
The longer in the season he goes without sand and waves, the grumpier he becomes. You can just watch the good humor flowing back into him as he sits there, happily turning into a lobster.
Anyway, you can see this was a good and necessary thing, this trip. But even knowing that, I’m far from the only one to feel this sort of paranoid possessiveness- “If I leave, something bad will happen! Again!†I’ve talked to lots of locals who feel the same, and despite two years of stress, heat and fighting with every governmental agency in the country haven’t taken a proper vacation since Katrina.
So I watched the city recede behind us, passed through the East and tried to push the oncoming storm out of my mind, gritting my teeth, determined to trust her one more time.
After all, nobody said that raising a “special needs†child would be easy.
